Moscas

por Armando Pinzรณn


07/06

Asรญ se les decรญa en francรฉs: mouches. No sรฉ hace cuรกnto tiempo, pero asรญ les dijeron alguna vez.
Las personas los tenรญan. Nacรญan con ellos, crecรญan con ellos y muchas veces los lunares crecรญan tambiรฉn. Decรญan que esto era de mala suerte o de mala salud. Que tรบ podรญas crecer pero tu lunar no. O eso me dijeron al menos. Yo jamรกs habรญa visto uno mรกs que en pinturas. Hay un retrato de Isabel de Farnesio que adoro y tambiรฉn un cuadro de Boucher, que es mi favorito: en la que tiene una mosca en el dedo y se lo va a poner en la cara. Se va a crear un lunar para cambiar la forma de su cara. Me puedo imaginar quรฉ habrรก sido. Dicen que se pegan. Que uno puede hacerlos pequeรฑas bolas, como con las migajas de pan y lanzรกrselo a alguien. Que asรญ lo condenas. Lo unes para siempre a ti.

Pero hoy en dรญa ponรฉrselos es mal visto porque la gente muy mayor le recuerda a otros tiempos. Dicen que los empezaron a quitar por una mutaciรณn. Que un dรญa un lunar mutรณ y agarrรณ vida propia y volviรณ a su โ€œhuรฉspedโ€ (quรฉ incorrecta palabra, pero asรญ le dicen los libros) en una persona loca, irracional, demente. De ahรญ catapultรณ hasta el millar de personas que empezaron a volverse locas y, antes de que fuera demasiado tarde prohibieron todos los lunares.

Empezaron quemรกndolos en bebรฉs. Despuรฉs taparon el sol y pusieron luces artificiales en todos lados. Borraron las nubes y las estrellas y todos los cielos ahora son solo azules. Azul hasta donde llega la vista. Pusieron aspersores y cada quince dรญas, a la misma hora, llueve. Dicen que en algunos lugares del mundo pusieron los aspersores cada dos dรญas pero no sรฉ si esto sea cierto.

Tantos aรฑos despuรฉs, ya no sรฉ cรณmo los quitan. Solo sรฉ que nacรญ sin ellos y mi mamรก tambiรฉn y su mamรก tambiรฉn. Nos fuimos quedando con la piel lisa. Con la memoria borrada.

Me siento y busco: Lunar. Tipos de. Lunar. Congรฉnito. Lunar. Marca. Mancha. Tinta. Luna. Compuesto. Perdido. Heredado. Conocido. Lunar, de la luna. De la mancha. Que luna significa luz y que mancha significa red, entorno, frontera. Una frontera de uno. Una frontera de ti. Una impureza. Algo que heredaste y que antes de ti lo tuvo alguien mรกs y sin quererlo y sin pedirlo te fue dado. Lo que ahora es nuestro. Lo que nos pertenece. O antes, mรกs bien, ahora ya no.


28/06

Una vez, de niรฑo, mi mamรก me vio dibujรกndome lunares. Me pintaba unos diez o quince y con ellos empezaba a formar figuras. Mancha-lunar-estrella-nube. Yo pensaba en las estrellas y las constelaciones que formaban. Pensaba en el acto de nombrar lo dispar, lo irregular, lo disparejo y lo que no tiene forma. De ver tres puntos continuos y decir: aquรญ hay un caballo, una nube, un mapache.

Eran redondos. De ahรญ el nombre. El problema era cuando dejaban de serlo. Tambiรฉn cuando cambiaban de color. Leรญ de la varicela y que es un milagro que ya no exista. Leรญ que era como tener invitados incรณmodos. Que se les deja pasar pero de mal modo. Que entran sin saludar y se van sin despedirse. Pero cuando se van dejan casi una marca, un recuerdo de que ahรญ, por un momento, hubo otro visitante. Que el cuerpo envejece y con รฉl los lunares que requieren atenciรณn y piden ser vistos, estudiados y nombrados. Piden tiempo y a la vez nunca estรกn satisfechos con lo que se les da, entonces conquistan mรกs y mรกs de la piel-terreno. Imperios que se expanden sobre la piel y se acercan uno a otro, queriendo converger. La edad le permite a los lunares volverse conquistadores y que el propio cuerpo se vuelva objeto de conquista. Recuerdo que, cuando me pintรฉ, mi mamรก me contรณ que los lunares son herencia de los emperadores. Por eso desaparecieron โ€”me dijoโ€” porque no estamos en una edad para imperios y todos los conquistadores han muerto.


16/07

Si todo es ficciรณn, entonces el cuerpo va creando sus propias historias. Por eso se arruga. Por eso se desentiende. Por eso olvidamos las cosas cuando cruzamos puertas y por eso con la edad caminamos mรกs lento. Pero le hemos quitado eso al cuerpo. Le estamos quitando su capacidad de contar historias para que todos los cuerpos cuenten la misma versiรณn unificada. Nos estamos quedando sin ficciรณn propia, o eso me dijo alguna vez mi abuelo y lo repito para calmarme. Me hago creer que estoy recuperando mi terreno.

En especial ahora que estoy confinado y que llevo semanas sin salir de mi cuarto por miedo a contagiar a alguien.

Me miro en el espejo y ahรญ sigue, antes estaba en mi hombro pero ahora se moviรณ hacia mi clavรญcula. Un lunar muy pequeรฑo. Aunque para mรญ hoy se ve mรกs grande que ayer.


27/07

Hace semanas H y yo caminรกbamos por la Alameda y alguien chocรณ contra mรญ. Sentรญ un pellizco a la altura de las costillas antes de caer de espalda. Me levantรฉ y al mirar a la persona me sonriรณ. Me di cuenta que tenรญa un hoyo pequeรฑo en mi camisa pero no le di importancia. Pasรณ el dรญa y cuando lleguรฉ a mi casa que me di cuenta que, a media calle, alguien me habรญa pegado un lunar, entre la sexta y la sรฉptima costilla, pequeรฑo como una mancha.

Me habรญan marcado y de inmediato pensรฉ en decirle a H, porque quizรก le habรญa pasado algo tambiรฉn. Decidรญ decirle la prรณxima vez que nos viรฉramos, pero han pasado dรญas y no he visto a nadie. Al principio no lo sentรญa. Era parte de mรญ, pero como una extensiรณn inerte. Hasta que, hace unas noches, lo sentรญ moverse. Sentรญ que empezรณ a escalar y a arrastrarse, como si estuviera cansado. Era una punzada leve, casi caricaturesca. Fue despuรฉs de dos dรญas que lo empecรฉ a sentir de mejor humor, como un moocow, feliz, bailando, mi pequeรฑo lunar. Como un hijo. Un primogรฉnito. Alguien a quien cuidar.

Me preocupa que llegue a una zona en la que se pueda ver. Que se acerque demasiado al cuello o a los brazos, pero no sรฉ cรณmo decirle que no lo haga. Lo intento empujar pero no cede. Le hablo y no contesta y no se inmuta y no se mueve, entonces paso horas interminables hablรกndome al espejo, esperando respuestas de una ficciรณn, rogรกndole a una mancha.


28/08

El lunar habรญa crecido, ahora sรญ estaba seguro. Lo rasquรฉ y, como por arte de magia, se dividiรณ. Me distraje por un momento y ya estaban en lados opuestos. Uno en cada hombro. Rato despuรฉs, vi que se habรญan vuelto a unir. Asรญ era ahora. Pensรฉ en que me tenรญa que cuidar la espalda de los lunares y, en especial, de que no se empezaran a hacer demasiados. No sabรญa si se iban a quedar solo dos o si se iban a multiplicar mรกs. Le marquรฉ a H para que viniera y pudiรฉramos ver quรฉ hacer con los lunares, ahora en plural.

Hasta que me vio se dio cuenta que no estaba mintiendo y que no solo se dividieron los lunares, sino que tambiรฉn se habรญan movido de lugar. Llorรณ y me dijo que asรญ empezรณ su tรญo tambiรฉn. Me pidiรณ perdรณn y saliรณ corriendo.

Quizรก se preocupaba de que mi terreno dejara de serme propio, que con los lunares mis victorias fueran menos mรญas y cada vez mรกs compartidas. Que fuera perdiendo lo que conoce de mรญ por lo desconocido de alguien mรกs y, peor aรบn, de algo que no tiene un cuerpo, que no tiene un alma, que no es mรกs que un reflejo de la luna que alguna vez existiรณ o que al menos dicen que existiรณ y que estรก detrรกs de todos los focos que alumbran y que cada noche se apagan y no queman y no sacan lunares y no nos hacen enfrentarnos una y otra vez contra el reflejo del espejo, sino que nos dan falsas victorias. Nos dan la satisfacciรณn de que somos algo inconquistable, algo inamovible, algo que no puede ser volteado sobre sรญ y cambiado, solo por el gusto de ser cambiado.


13/09

Ya hay una tercera mancha. Parece que todas se estรกn contactando entre sรญ y siento su รกnimo de salir. Siento que quieren recorrer mรกs que este cuerpo y que por eso cada vez estรกn mรกs activos, moviรฉndose, saltando e incluso bailando.

Le marquรฉ a H para decirle que entre mis lunares bailan. No me contestรณ. Le volvรญ a marcar y tampoco. Hasta el tercer dรญa me escribiรณ. Me dijo que habรญa encontrado una cura, asรญ, en dos semanas. Escuchรฉ que lloraba de la emociรณn y lo sentรญ como una victoria propia. Llegรณ con guantes porque leyรณ, en algรบn lado, que los lunares eran contagiosos. Me pidiรณ que me tomara una pastilla de su propio diseรฑo y asรญ lo hice. Pasรณ el tiempo, no sentรญ nada y asรญ pasaron horas.

H se despidiรณ de lejos y yo me quedรฉ con mis lunares, pensando en cรณmo se comunican. Por quรฉ algunos dรญas se vuelven impasibles y otros estรกticos. Sรญ son pedazos de mรญ, pero no se subordinan como lo hacen mis brazos o mis manos para escribir esto. No tengo control sobre mis lunares. Al contrario, son ellos quienes me exigen atenciรณn, quienes quieren que los voltee a ver cuando cambian de lugar y a quienes reviso esporรกdicamente para que no crezcan.

No estamos en una รฉpoca de conquista, pienso mientras siento cรณmo, en mi nuca, dos lunares discuten entre sรญ.


17/09

Los primeros dรญas despuรฉs de que me tomรฉ la pastilla fueron normales hasta que hoy un lunar decidiรณ moverse hacia mi cara. Despertรฉ en la madrugada y lo sentรญ arriba de mis labios. Como las moscas de antes. Leรญ en algรบn lado que el lunar en este lugar especรญfico significaba indecisiรณn, pero en otros lados leรญ que significaba que estabas casado. En fin, me di cuenta porque sentรญ que me quemaba la piel, entonces corrรญ al espejo a ver quรฉ estaba pasando y no solo se habรญa vuelto rojo sino tambiรฉn mรกs grande. No podรญa salir asรญ, no me podรญa ver nadie y en especial H no me podรญa ver.

Corrรญ hacia la estufa y puse un cuchillo pequeรฑo y sin filo a calentar y una vez que el cuchillo empezรณ a brillar, lo puse sobre el lunar y escuchรฉ un grito, lo prometo que escuchรฉ un pequeรฑo grito, como de sorpresa, pero yo no sentรญ nada. Corrรญ de regreso a mi cuarto antes de que alguien me viera y asรญ, frente al espejo, vi cรณmo se desprendiรณ de mi piel un pequeรฑo pedazo de mรญ, oscuro, de tamaรฑo normal, y cayรณ en el lavabo. Lo tomรฉ entre mis dedos y empecรฉ a llorar. Habรญa perdido algo y lo sabรญa, habรญa tomado algo de mรญ y, lo peor de todo es que no escuchaba a ninguno de mis otros lunares. Sabรญa que estaban por ahรญ, cerca, evadiendo mi mirada. Me mirรฉ la espalda, los brazos, las piernas y los talones y no encontrรฉ nada. Solo quedรกbamos el lunar quemado y yo. Lo apretรฉ entre mis dedos mientras sentรญa que se hacรญa mรกs compacto, mรกs pequeรฑo. Lo seguรญ apretando hasta que escuchรฉ como si algo se desinflara y de entre mis dedos, el lunar desapareciรณ.

H llegรณ un par de horas despuรฉs a contemplar, a mi lado, la muerte de mi lunar.


19/10

Al dรญa siguiente me revisรฉ de cabeza a pies y le pedรญ a H que tambiรฉn lo hiciera. Despuรฉs de horas metรณdicas de verme concluimos que no habรญa mรกs moscas, no habรญa mรกs lunares y todo habรญa sido, si acaso, un sueรฑo febril.

Desde entonces hemos pasado los dรญas juntos y en su mayorรญa, en silencio. Salimos de la ciudad incluso, sin mucha preocupaciรณn, porque yo no habรญa vuelto a saber de mis lunares. Yo sรฉ que H se alegra en silencio y se felicita por la eficiencia de su medicina. Tambiรฉn sรฉ, aunque nunca me lo dijo y jamรกs preguntรฉ, que me abrazaba para buscarme lunares porque nunca se convenciรณ de que fuera inmaculado. Mรกs bien, yo sรฉ que, en su cabeza, jamรกs volverรญa a serlo.

Por las noches sueรฑo que veo en mi mano el lunar, abrazando mi dedo, en la yema, y me doy cuenta que tengo alguien en quien confiar, que mis lunares que ahora son uno me abrazan, me hablan y me escuchan. Entonces me promete quedarse asรญ: uno, como un acompaรฑante. En ese momento despierto y, nuevamente, no los siento, no los escucho, pero me rasco el hombro porque siento que hay algo ahรญ.

Esto no se lo cuento a H. No le digo que no hay conquista en tierra conocida.


10/12

Han pasado meses desde que vi por รบltima vez a mis lunares y solo nos hemos encontrado en sueรฑos, pero sueรฑos tan vรญvidos que se sienten reales, se sienten contiguos a este mundo. Entonces no dejo de pensar que puedan estar ahรญ. Que puedan estar cerca. Que se esconden cuando busco en mi pie y se refugian en mi espalda. Que para no hacer ruido caminan de puntitas sobre mi cuello y se alojan en mis orejas. Que en las noches salen a bailar, cada vez mรกs esporรกdicamente, por miedo a que me despierte en un frenesรญ y queme otro. Ojalรก se encuentren cerca todavรญa. Yo creo que sรญ. Regresarรกn una vez que sean muchos y que no los pueda ocultar. Le cuento a H que, cuando regresen, los intentarรฉ unir con una sola lรญnea. Que pueda decir: aquรญ se forma Oriรณn, acรก se forma Andrรณmeda, entre las dos estรก la tierra y aquรญ, del รบltimo lunar lejano hasta el que tengo mรกs cerca, tu abrazo.

No sรฉ si regresen. Yo pienso que sรญ pero todo puede ser y puede que me equivoque. Que un lunar no es un territorio y que solo son inventos mรญos. Que la forma la di yo. Que intentรฉ nombrar, no lo innombrable, sino lo que no merecรญa nombre.


21/12

H me pregunta: โ€œยฟQuรฉ harรญas si volvieran?โ€
Los compartirรญa, pienso. Le darรญa unos y le dirรญa que los acomodรกramos a la misma altura. Que nos volviรฉramos un espejo contiguo.


10/02

Aรฑo Bisiesto. Pide un deseo.

Mientras tanto, toma, agรกrralo de aquรญ. Estรญralo, para que se divida en dos. Listo. Ahora vuรฉlvelo a dividir. Ya, dos, tres, cuatro. Acรฉrcate. Recuerda mi cara y yo recuerdo la tuya. Solo habla un poco mรกs bajo. Acuรฉrdate. A la izquierda, al mismo tiempo. Otro mรกs arriba. Uno bajo el ojo y el otro junto a la boca.

Acรฉrcate un poco, mosca, que no nacimos tan cerca. Terreno del alma mรญa. Pedazo de mi vida entera. Nube de este mundo. Mundo en esta nube. Dos tuyos y dos mรญos. Mรกs lejano a la boca. Mรกs cerca del ojo. Se siente como un piquete y nos acercamos un poco mรกs y me doy cuenta que nos malentendimos: o yo me estoy quedando sordo y te entendรญ mรกs abajo o tรบ estรกs perdiendo la vista y me viste mรกs borroso pero nos dimos cuatro lunares disparejos, mosca. Me quedรฉ con el lunar pegado al labio y el otro muy abajo del ojo. Tรบ te quedaste al revรฉs. Nos imitamos en un juego imperfecto, nos copiamos con sombras familiares.

Recuรฉrdame cรณmo se siente un sueรฑo sin manchas. Recuรฉrdame de quรฉ color son las estrellas, mosca. Recuรฉrdame a quรฉ sabe lo inmaculado. Pide un deseo y aprieta tu lunar. Acuรฉrdate de las nubes-manchas-fronteras. Acuรฉrdate de dรณnde acabas, mosca, para que crezcas. Acuรฉrdate de dรณnde empiezas. Acuรฉrdate que eres reflejo de la luna cercada, mosca. Pide un deseo y acuรฉrdate que soy reflejo tambiรฉn, mosca, de tu espejo roto.

by Armando Pinzรณn

Translated by Keith Grimes


07/06

That’s how they say it in French: mouches. I don’t know how long ago, but that’s what they used to say. People had them. They were born with them, grew with them, and, many times, the moles grew too. They said that this was bad luck or bad health. That you could grow, but your mole could not. Or so they told me at least. I had never seen one except in paintings. There is a portrait of Isabel de Farnese that I adore, and also a painting by Boucher, which is my favorite, in which she has a fly on her finger and is going to put it on her face. A mole will be created to change the shape of your face. I can imagine what it must have been. They say they stick together. One can make them into small balls, as with bread crumbs, and throw them at someone. You condemn the person in this way. You bind the person to you forever.

But nowadays, wearing them is frowned upon because they remind one of other times. It is said that they began removing them due to a mutation. One day, a mole mutated, took on a life of its own, and turned its ยซguestยป (what an incorrect word, but that’s what the books call it) into a crazy, irrational, insane person. From there, it rapidly spread to a thousand people, who all began to go crazy. Before it was too late, they banned all moles.

They started by burning them on babies. Then they blocked the sun and put artificial lights everywhere. They wiped out the clouds and stars, and all the skies are now just blue. Blue as far as the eye can see. They put in sprinklers, and every fortnight, at the same time, it rains. They say that in some places around the world, they put out the sprinklers every two days, but I don’t know if that is true.

So many years later, I don’t know how they take them away. I only know that I was born without them, and my mom, too, and her mom, too. We were left with smooth skin. With the memory of them erased.

I sit down and search: Lunar. Types of. Lunar. Congenital. Lunar. Brand. Spot. Ink. Moon. Composite. Lost. Inherited. Known. Lunar, of the moon. From the stain. Que luna means light, and que mancha means net, environment, border. A border of one. A border of you. An impurity. Something you inherited from someone else, without wanting it or asking for it, was given to you. What is now ours? What belongs to us? Or before, rather, not anymore.

28/06

Once, as a child, my mom saw me drawing polka dots. I painted about ten or fifteen, and with them I began to form figures. Lunar-spot-star-cloud. I thought of the stars and the constellations they formed. I was thinking about the act of naming the disparate, the irregular, the uneven, and the formless. To see three continuous dots and say: here is a horse, a cloud, a raccoon.

They were round. Hence the name. The problem was when they stopped being so. Also, when they changed color. I read about chickenpox and that it is a miracle that it no longer exists. I read that it was like having uncomfortable guests. They are allowed to pass, but in a bad way. Those who enter without greeting and leave without saying goodbye. But when they leave, they leave a faint mark, a memory that there, for a moment, there was another visitor. The body ages, and with it, moles that require attention, asking to be seen, studied, and named. They ask for time and at the same time are never satisfied with what is given to them, so they conquer more and more of the skin-ground. Empires that expand on the skin and approach each other, wanting to converge. Age allows moles to become conquerors and for one’s own body to become an object of conquest. I remember that, when I painted myself, my mother told me that polka dots are inherited from emperors. That’s why they disappeared, she told me, because we’re not in an age for empires and all conquerors are dead.

16/07

If everything is fiction, then the body creates its own stories. That’s why it wrinkles. That is why it does not care. That’s why we forget things when we walk through doors, and that’s why, with age, we walk more slowly. But we’ve taken that away from the body. We are taking away their ability to tell stories so that all bodies tell the same unified version. We are running out of our own fiction, or so my grandfather once told me, and I repeat it to calm down. I make myself believe that I am recovering my ground.

Especially now that I’m confined and haven’t left my room for weeks for fear of infecting someone.

I look at myself in the mirror, and there it is, where it had been on my shoulder, but now it has moved towards my collarbone. A very small mole. Although for me today it looks bigger than yesterday.

27/07

Weeks ago, H and I were walking along the Alameda, and someone bumped into me. I felt a pinch at the level of my ribs, just before I fell on my back. I got up, looked at the person, and smiled at him. I noticed a small hole in my shirt, but I didn’t think much of it. The day passed, and when I got home, I realized that, in the middle of the street, someone had hit me with a mole, between the sixth and seventh ribs, small as a spot.

They had called me, and I immediately thought of telling H, because maybe something had happened to him, too. I decided to tell him the next time we met, but days have passed, and I haven’t seen anyone. At first, I didn’t feel it. It was part of me, but like an inert extension. Until, a few nights ago, I felt it move. I felt it start to climb and crawl, as if it were tired. It was a slight, almost caricatural twinge. It was after two days that I started to feel better, like a mocoow, happy, dancing, my little mole. Like a son. A firstborn. Someone to take care of.

I’m worried that it will reach an area where it can be seen. It gets too close to my neck or my arms, but I don’t know how to tell it not to. I try to push it, but it doesn’t give in. I talk to it, but it doesn’t answer, doesn’t flinch, and doesn’t move. I spend endless hours talking to myself in the mirror, waiting for answers from a fiction, begging a stain.

28/08

The mole had grown; now it was sure. I scratched it and, as if by magic, it split. I got distracted for a moment, and they were already on opposite sidesโ€”one on each shoulder. A while later, I saw that they had reunited. That’s how it was now. I thought I had to take care of my back from moles, especially so that there wouldn’t be too many. I didn’t know if there would be only two or if they would multiply. I called H to come, and we could see what to do with the moles, now in the plural.

It wasn’t until he saw me that he realized that I wasn’t lying and that not only did the moles split, but they had also moved out of place. He cried and told me that this is how his uncle started, too. He apologized and ran away.

Perhaps he was worried that my land would no longer be my own, that with the polka dots, my victories would be less mine and more and more shared. That I was losing what he knows about me because of someone else’s unknown and, even worse, something that doesn’t have a body, that doesn’t have a soul, that is nothing more than a reflection of the moon that once existed or that at least they say existed and that is behind all the spotlights that shine and that every night go out and don’t burn and don’t get moles and don’t get moles and don’t get moles and don’tโ€ฆ They make us face the reflection of the mirror again and again, but they give us false victories. They give us the satisfaction that we are something unconquerable, something immovable, something that cannot be turned over and changed, just for the pleasure of being changed.

13/09

There is already a third stain. It seems that they are all contacting each other.  I feel their encouragement to leave. I feel they want to travel beyond this body, which is why they are increasingly active, moving, jumping, and even dancing.

I called H to tell him that they dance between my moles. He didn’t answer me. I dialed him again, but he still didnโ€™t answer. He wrote to me on the third day. He told me that he had found a cure, like that, in two weeks. I heard him cry with emotion, and it felt like a victory of his own. He arrived with gloves because he read somewhere that moles were contagious. He asked me to take a pill of his own design, and so I did. Time passed, I didn’t feel anything, and so hours passed.

H said goodbye from afar and I was left with my moles, thinking about how they communicate. Why do some days become impassive, while others remain static? Yes, they are pieces of me, but they are not subordinated as my arms or my hands are to write this. I have no control over my moles. On the contrary, they are the ones who demand my attention, who want me to look at them when they change places, and whom I check sporadically so that they do not grow.

We are not in an era of conquest, I think, as I feel how, on the back of my neck, two moles argue with each other.

17/09

The first few days after I took the pill were normal until today, when a mole decided to move towards my face. I woke up in the early morning and felt it above my lips, like the flies of old. I read somewhere that the mole in this specific place meant indecision, but elsewhere I read that it meant you were married. Anyway, I realized it when I felt my skin burning, so I ran to the mirror to see what was happening, and not only had it become red but also gotten bigger. I couldn’t go out like that; no one could see me, and especially H couldn’t see me.

I ran to the stove, put a small, dull knife to heat, and once it started to glow, I put it on the mole and heard a scream. I promise I heard a little scream, as if in surprise, but I didn’t feel anything. I ran back to my room before anyone saw me, and so, in front of the mirror, I saw how a small, dark, normal-sized piece of me fell off my skin and fell into the sink. I took it between my fingers and started crying. I had lost something, and I knew it; I had taken something from me and, worst of all, I didn’t listen to any of my other moles. I knew they were out there, nearby, avoiding my gaze. I looked at my back, arms, legs, and heels and found nothing. Only the burnt mole and I remained. I squeezed it between my fingers as I felt it getting more compact, smaller. I kept squeezing it until I heard something deflate, and from between my fingers, the mole disappeared.

H arrived a couple of hours later to contemplate, by my side, the death of my mole.

19/10

The next day, I checked myself from head to toe and asked H to do the same. After methodical hours of seeing me, we concluded that there were no more flies, no more moles, and everything had been, if anything, a fever dream.

Since then, we have spent the days together, for the most part in silence. We even left the city, without much concern, because I had not heard from my moles again. I know that H rejoices in silence and congratulates himself on the efficiency of his medicine. I also know, although he never told me and I never asked, that he hugged me to look for moles because he was never convinced that I was immaculate. Rather, I know that, in his head, I would never be again.

At night, I dream that I see the mole in my hand, hugging my finger, on the tip, and I realize that I have someone to trust, that the moles that are now one hug me, talk to me, and listen to me. Then he promises to stay like this: one, like a companion. At that moment, I wake up and, again, I don’t feel them, I don’t hear them, but I scratch my shoulder because I feel like there’s something there.

I will not tell H. I am not telling him that there is no conquest in known land.

10/12

It’s been months since I last saw my moles. We’ve only met in dreams, but dreams so vivid they feel real, they feel contiguous to this world. So I can’t stop thinking that they can be there. That they can be close. They hide when I look at my foot and take refuge in my back. That in order not to make noise, they walk on tiptoe on my neck and lodge in my ears. That at night they go out to dance, more and more sporadically, for fear that I will wake up in a frenzy and burn another. Hopefully, they are still close. I think so. They will return once there are many of them, and I cannot hide them. I tell H that when they return, I will try to unite them with a single line. That I can say: here Orion is formed, here Andromeda is formed, between the two is the earth, and here, from the last distant mole to the one closest to me, your embrace.

I don’t know if they will come back. I think so, but anything can be, and I may be wrong. A mole is not a territory, and they are only my inventions. I gave a form. I tried to name, not the unnameable, but what did not deserve a name.

21/12

H asks me, ยซWhat would you do if they came back?ยป I would share them, I think. I would give him some and tell him to place them at the same height so we would become a continuous mirror.

10/02

Leap year. Make a wish.

In the meantime, take it, grab it from here. Stretch it so that it divides into two. Done. Now divide it again. Yes, two, three, four. Come closer. Remember my face, and I will remember yours. Just speak a little more quietly. Remember. On the left, at the same time. Another one higher up. One under the eye and the other next to the mouth.

Come a little closer, fly, we weren’t born so close. Soil of my soul. A piece of my entire life. Cloud of this world. World in this cloud. Two yours and two mine. Farther from the mouth. Closer to the eye. It feels like a sting, and we get a little closer, and I realize that we misunderstood: either I’m going deaf, and I understood you less, or you’re losing your sight, and you saw me more blurred, but we gave each other four uneven moles, fly. I was left with the mole attached to my lip and another very low below my eye. You stayed upside down. We imitate ourselves in an imperfect game; we copy each other with familiar shadows.

Remind me what a dream without blemishes feels like. Fly, remind me what color the stars are. Remind me what the immaculate tastes like. Make a wish and squeeze your mole. Remember the clouds, spots, and borders. Remember where you end up, fly, so that you can grow. Remember where you start. Remember that you reflect the encircled moon, fly. Make a wish and remember that I am also a reflection, a fly, of your broken mirror.

Armando Pinzรณn es chilango de nacimiento y mantiene una relaciรณn de amor-odio con la Ciudad de Mรฉxico. Estudiรณ Derecho y Letras Inglesas y, aunque la mayorรญa de los dรญas se dedica a ejercer como abogado, lo que mรกs le apasiona es leer y escribir, en especial leer. No sabe si es un gran escritor, pero intenta ser un gran lector. Le interesan las utopรญas, las distopias y todos los caminos que llevan de una a la otra. No odia muchas cosas, pero sรญ los pepinillos.

Armando Pinzรณn is a Chilango by birth and maintains a love-hate relationship with Mexico City. He studied Law and English Literature and, although most days he dedicates himself to practicing as a lawyer, what he is most passionate about is reading and writing, especially reading. He doesn’t know if he’s a great writer, but he tries to be a great reader. He is interested in utopias, dystopias, and all the paths that lead from one to the other. He doesn’t hate many things, but he does hate pickles.

Keith Grimes is a writer and editor at La Confianza publishing house. He holds bachelorโ€™s degrees in Political Science, Latin American History, and Spanish from California State University, Long Beach. His passion for literature and languages has always been with him. He is the founder of La Confianza.

2 responses to “Moscas”

  1. Lunar en el dedo, lunar en la nariz, lunar en la oreja. Lunar en la mano

    1. El lunar cambia la forma de tu cara.

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